Stars in Heaven
by xxDeath's Daughterxx
Summary: Entry for IsabellaMarieSwan3214's contest. Edward was killed trying to protect Bella now she has to live with it or does she... Just read!


**This is my contest entry for IsabellaMarieCullen3214's contest! I personally don't like it very much but I thought I'd write it anyway. I feel that you can understand what the feeling is better if you read it aloud. Granted if your not a person who likes to do that, then I guess you shouldn't. Please just read and feel.**

**Also brilliantly beta-ed by MikalahStarrUley**

**Enjoy!**

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**Stars in Heaven**

Listened to Jumper by Bedlight for Blue Eyes while typing and applies to the ending

Here I stand, looking down. And before me I see a coffin. A coffin that was never suppose to exist, because vampires aren't suppose die. But here it is anyway. And here I stand, staring down on you. Which is ironic because I know you're looking down on me.

Every time I think of you, I get this eerie feeling. Like you're standing next to me, or that you're placing your hands around my waist. Weird, huh? Well, yeah, I do and I think somehow that you are here. But not with me.

Because you left me…...Again.

Everyone left a little while ago, I think. I didn't really hear them go, but then again I haven't heard the real world in a while. My mind won't let me. It's doing that protecting thing again. But I'm not numb this time, I remember being numb...

That was pure heaven to this. I would welcome hell with open arms if it meant that the nothingness would go away.

'Cause here I can't feel anything. Nothing at all. I don't feel it when Alice tries to comfort me. Or when Jasper tried making me happy, but eventually he stopped trying. Muttered something like how it's weird to not feel anything from someone.

Oh and guess what? Even Mike, yes the Mike you hate, showed up to your funereal. And he didn't try to take advantage of me, no. He offered to comfort me. I don't know if I responded, but I think I might have muttered to myself your name.

So, I hope you do know that I still wear your mother's ring and I plan to forever. And I'll try to uphold that promise I made to you the first time you left. To keep myself safe. Because even though you are gone, you would want that…...I know you would.

I know you told me in the past that, I would be the death of you, but I thought you were kidding. Who knew it would prove true. Shocking huh?

It all happened so fast. The fight, the yelling, and lastly that awful, blazing fire. Why didn't you just let me endure the torture? Tears began to frame my face as i thought of the agony you went through; and i caused it. I would have gladly given up my life to save yours; you could have given me the chance. I would have gladly excepted it.

I'm always thinking of what happened. It replays it's self in my mind, over and over, again.

_We were lying in our meadow. Just laying there, talking now and then. My head was in your lap and every now and then you would lean forward and kiss my forehead. We had been there since dawn. I was drawing lazy patterns over your chest, and you would take my hand and kiss every finger then lay my hand back on your stomach. We were talking about whether we would let Alice have utter and complete control over our wedding. Then we drifted to where you wanted to take me for dinner. You were asking 'what do you have a taste for', but you never finished your sentence. Because while speaking you tensed and looked around us. You jumped to your feet and crouched down in a way to shelter me on the ground. Then I saw one._

_A black-hood figure immurged from the woods and into the open._

_"Well hello again, Edward and Bella," the figure spoke ominously. I did recognize the voice and figured that they were a part of the Volturi. But what I really wanted to know was how many were here. I was terrified of the thought of what they could do. It hadn't been too long ago since we were in Volterra. I knew that they also would remember the promise we made. The one that we hadn't kept yet._

_"Hello Felix," you spoke deadly. Recognition hit and i was disgusted. Felix had to be one of the worst of the Volturi. Even though they're all bad, he was more so. I felt so helpless. I wasn't a vampire and had no way to help. I hadn't been changed, and they would be upset. You don't have to be a vampire to try and guess what was going to happen. You were going to fight. And you were on your own. I wasn't strong and was more dead weight because I couldn't help, then you had to protect me too. I didn't want you to protect me though. I wanted you to be safe._

_"So Edward," he said. "I thought you had made us a promise..." So it truly was why they were here._

_"And I'll turn Bella AFTER we're married." You glared coldly at him, putting a protective arm around my waist._

_"Tsk, tsk. But Edward, we expected for you to have already changed Miss Bella. So either we do it for you or you do it now." he said smugly._

_You looked terrified, determined, and worried. We hadn't planned on this for another few months. You always struggled with the concept of me becoming cold and hard like you, and losing my soul. Which you know I wouldn't have. See now, don't you feel stupid, being up in heaven, when you said you were damned forever._

_I had you turn to face me, "Edward please," I whispered, "don't get hurt because of me. We can explain my transformation to the others later. I think it better if you just change me now."_

_You pleaded back, "Bella, I can't. I won't. Not till we've been married."_

_"My love, but I can't have you get hurt. There won't be any wedding, if you get killed."_

_You looked stunned by my words. I even knew how ridiculous it sounded. 'Edward Cullen being killed' I would never have believed it either. Unless I was really where I was right now. Kneeling next to your coffin, with my hands over your casket, where you shall lay forever more._

_You turned back to Felix and said with your voice as cold as ice, "I will not change her until we've been married, and no sooner." You kept your voice even and deadly._

_"Well I'm afraid that just won't work for us," Aro said, coming from behind us. You swiveled around to see him and started looking between the two to never let up on one or the other. Aro sighed. "Edward, Bella is going to be changed today."_

_"Edward please," I begged._

_"NO," you roared. "I won't damn her till I'm sure that she's meant for this."_

_"Edward," I called sadly, "of course this is what I want."_

_"Bella, you have no idea what it's like."_

_"Edward, I don't care if you like it or not, you told us that Bella Swan would be changed. And she's not. So we could just kill her, or change her. We're being nice by letting you have the opportunity to change her,"_

_"NICE," you bellowed. "How is it being nice to damn an innocent girl?"_

_"Edward please stop..." tears were streaming down my face. None of this arguing was helping._

_"One last chance," Jane taunted. GREAT even more of them._

_"I CAN'T DO IT" you yelled._

_"Then we will," Jane said lowly, with amusement in her voice._

_The inevitable happened. The fighting started._

_Everything was a blur. I barely noticed that two more figures had come out of the forest. You were battling against 5 members of the Volturi; there was no way you were going to win._

_I started screaming when I saw you lying in the middle of the meadow. I had moved by now out of the way, over to the side. I was about a quarter of a mile to the edge of the meadow._

_"EDWARD," I screamed. You moaned and rolled over to look at me._

_"Bella," you murmured before you began writhing in agony._

_"Edward, you could have just done what we asked and avoided all this. Now poor Bella will be in this world alone for eternity." Jane said, making fun of you. The concentration she had on you only meant that she was concentrating very hard on your pain._

_"STOP!" was all I could scream through the tears. __'This can't be happening; this can't be happening__' I kept thinking to myself. Then Jane stopped and white flashed before as your body was picked up. I really couldn't see and didn't know what was going on._

_One thing I did know: You were literally being torn apart in-front if me._

_"Edward, please fight!" I screamed. "Do it for me. PLEASE! EDWARD, I NEED YOU TO FIGHT" I was begging, and trying to fool myself because some where deep inside I knew I would never see you again. That this battle would kill you._

_"I love you," I heard whispered, but I couldn't see from whom. I know it was you though, so I whispered back, "I will love you forever."_

_I meant it and I will always mean it._

_All the blurriness all of a sudden stopped and I could see a pile of white lying where you use to be. I turned away knowing what the pile of white was. Or what it use to be. It used to be a loving, Greek god. But now it was only the remains._

_While I had my faced turn I all of a sudden heard crackling. I whipped my face around._

_"NO!" I screamed as loud as possible. In the middle of the meadow was a flaming fire. I ran over to the fire and dropped to my knees. _

_My crying had become a flood of tears. "No, no, no" I kept mumbling. I felt so helpless. My bottom lip was quivering and I sounded broken when speaking._

_"No...no" I was gasping for air between my sobbing and speaking. I was groaning in agony at the awful thoughts going through my head: '__He's gone__'; __'He'll never be able to hold me again'_

_I wrapped my arms around my chest while kneeling near the fire. I looked like a wreck, my tears streaking my face, my hair all in disarray around my face, the things I was saying were incomprehensible to anyone but me. My sobbing was racking my chest up and down. I was whimpering, groaning, shuddering for breathe, and starting to hiccup but when the hiccup was over i would let out a loud cry._

_"You can't go" I whispered inaudibly to no one. Of course everyone around me heard me, but i couldn't notice them. I was caught up in grieving._

_In the middle of my grieving, I heard a voice speak to me. He said, " Isabella, we must go now." I didn't look up from the fire that was dying down a little._

_I was looking down when I felt a small bundle hit me._

_"Shh Bella, it-it'll be okay?" I looked up to see Alice holding me. She looked like she was in terrible pain, and i figured out the words she had spoken weren't even convincing her. I looked around me and saw the rest of he Cullen's in the meadow. They had formed a circle around me, but none of them looked as if they would be fighting. They looked as if they originally were going to protect me but figured out what happened._

_I hadn't stopped my bawling but it had slowed a little, but my hiccups were coming more frequently and my whimpering was a constant._

_Alice was holding onto me securely, trying to reassure me and to support herself. Jasper looked to be troubled by the sight before him, but sad at the same time. Emmett looked as if he could have joined in our crying. But he was to macho to ever do such a thing. He looked over to me and pity washed into his features. He walked over to me and knelt down on one knee next to me and Alice._

_"I'm so sorry little sis," then he cupped my check with his huge hand and kissed me on the forehead. He walked behind Rose and I turned away before i could see them hug._

_i stopped crying and just felt hollow inside. Like I was nothing on the inside._

_"Leave!" I heard yelled by someone, somewhere. I looked around with dead eyes._

_Carlisle and Esme were standing to my left in front of Aro. Everyone's head turned to Esme._

_"My dear Esme, I've already said that I won't leave without Bella."_

_"She's not going anywhere with you." Emmett growled._

_"You've cost this family enough grief, Aro, now go." Carlisle somehow was able to keep his voice calm. I really don't know how when everyone else seemed to be on a emotional roller-coaster._

_"Carli-"_

_"**GO**" he screamed. "You killed my first son and I'm in no way letting you take my youngest daughter too. Leave now." he said more controlled. Alright so maybe he was in as much pain as the rest of us. Your death did really hit us all hard, you know._

_I looked down at your ashes with a solemn expression on my face and a feeling of longing. Longing for you. I felt one last silent tear fill my eye. And i let it slip away onto Alice's left hand._

_I let that last tear fall, and then had a blank expression on my face. No tears, no feeling, no emotions._

_The Volturi left us all alone after Carlisle's threat. Alice, Esme, and Rosalie we all dry-sobbing. Emmett and Carlisle were both trying to console their wives and Jasper was standing there looking helpless and sad. Alice was still holding me as i stared at your ashes. She wasn't really helping me but she thought she was so i let her stay where she was._

_I eventually got very tired of everything and asked if i could go home. they took me to my house, laid me down and that night I had my last dream. It only contained one thing. It was a fire with green all around. I haven't slept again._

After that dream, all of that day repeats itself in my mind again and again.

I did manage to hear one part though of this whole day. The eulogy. I didn't give it. I can barely speak, let alone in front of a crowd of people. So Alice gave it. She said, "A star in the night sky went out on June 25th. But as that one star went out another came a lit. And the heavens shown brighter than ever. I know that he is looking down and watching us. This may bring us in a…." I drifted after that. Not hearing her words anymore. But the one's I heard strung remembrance through my soul. A line by Juliet in 'Romeo and Juliet' by _Shakespeare_. 'That when she dies she shall take Romeo's face and make it into stars and fill the heavens with it. And those on Earth shall fall in love with night and forget the garnish sun.' It was true though. For I knew that you were in heaven, and I know that your beauty as a star would only captivate them into you. And I know that I've been captivated by the stars, more than once.

That's when I got my idea. The one to go off to our meadow and bring with me my iPod which you put my lullaby onto. It was late and I wanted to look at the stars and pretend you were there. Because you are here. Standing beside me saying, "That is a wonderful idea, my love. What ever you wish to do." So I went out of the church after giving your coffin one last, longing kiss and headed to my car. I got in and went as fast as possible while being cautious to get there. I knew that on foot it would take me a while to reach it and it was getting dark so I had to hurry.

By the time I reached the meadow dusk was just setting away. I went to the center of the field and laid my self down beside you. you humming in my ear as I settled into my position. I dug out my iPod and put it on repeat of "Bella's Lullaby" as you had so properly named it.

I looked up the sky and directly above me was the brightest star I had ever seen in my life. My lullaby was playing softly in the background and I thought. I thought about us and how we were and what was to come and such. I stared at your star for hours till my eyes tired and I thought about the past and future.

Biology class, school, this meadow, my room, Volterra. The planning of the wedding, me wanting to live for eternity of bliss with you, just wasting hours of talking of everything and absolutely nothing. We would just hold each other. I closed my eyes for a moment and you were there. Behind my eyelids. But I opened my eyes and you were there again, staring at me. With this gorgeous smile plastered on your face. Then I would close my eyes and hear you whisper next to me, 'I'll never leave you, my love. I'll protect you always.'

I racked with sobs. I couldn't leave him, I couldn't escape his presence. As much as I miss him and will forever, it KILLS me to see his face everywhere. He's haunting me. It's my fault he's dead. My fault his family is depressed and falling apart. I was the blame of all pain in the little town of Forks. Everything bad laid on me. As did the pain in the La Push reserve. Because I had left Jake. And now your gone. Everyone likes to leave I've always noticed. I mean I knew you would too but I had accidentally hoped you wouldn't.

Serves me right. Everything and everyone always leaves. The lullaby was coming to the part where you sang out and told me that I was never alone. But I am alone, I'm always alone even when some one's right beside me. I'll always be hollow, and never return.

I made another decision that night. To leave this world for good. I don't know how, but tonight I would. I tried to relieve myself of my body and let go, and it was working till I thought about you. And you told me not to hurt myself. I couldn't let you down again. So I thought. And I wondered where would be nice.

The Cliffs, I concluded.

The sun was coming up now and I'd be able to see where I was when walking. I don't sleep so thinking through the night was nothing new. I made my way to get back in my truck and put my iPod in the car player so that I could listen to my favorite voice for ever in peace. I arrived there and parked my car a little away. My iPod player had been charged so I brought it with me. And set to repeat on my lullaby like I wished.

I stared up at the sky. Beginning to lose sight of the starts, but you were still there. And I smiled to you! I haven't smiled in days, but I will always smile for you.

I talked to your star saying, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for hurting you," Tears were continuously staining my cheeks. "I didn't want for you to be hurt at all. I'd die for you Edward. And I never wanted it the other way around. I NEED YOU" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "I NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME AND CARRY ME AND HOLD ME AND TELL ME EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT ALRIGHT. I NEED THAT FROM YOU **PLEASE**!" I was begging with him. "I need this. I need to stop the hurt, the nothingness. I need to feel. And if I can't then I can't live." I whispered.

I heard him whisper. "It'll brake you to feel" I sobbed like a baby and whinnied loudly, screaming "why" why because I truly had no idea.

I composed myself back to my non-feeling ways and stood near the edge.

"I want you my love, I need you. I can't just make it when your not here. So I have to, I have to do this." I looked out over the edge of the cliff. The gray waves bashing into the rock ledge. I thought to myself. 'He's seeing this isn't he.' I made my slow pace to stand on the edge. I heard Edward screaming at me too stop but I couldn't. I was stuck, compelled to move forward and face this. I looked one last time at everything and flung myself over the edge. "NOOO" I heard Edward's voice ring out, "Bella my love, don't do this." But I was gone and wouldn't be able to come back. As I was falling I flipped to look at the sky. And I couldn't see that bright star anymore. Oddly enough I could still see those which were dimmer though still, but hit the dark waters before I could have anymore thoughts. It was dark and cold and the pressure was unbearable. But I smiled. I would see Edward soon. I would be with him. 'I needed him' I thought one last time as my tears became unable to tell for they floated with the other salt water.

I saw my angel, he looked so sad, so I wrapped my arms around him and asked quietly, "Miss me?"

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**THE END! YES! any questions PM them to me.**

**Even though this is for a contest plz still REVIEW! thank you!**

**For my other stories I'll try very hard to update soon! I'm sooooo, unbelievably busy and being sick ontop of it doesn't help.**

**Peace and love xxDeath's Daughterxx ,..,**


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